Joey, the Not Quite King Level of Dreams, Sort of
by Qk
Summary: Our dear Joey Wheeler has taken the place of Joseph in Ancient Egypt. Clearly, being a dream interpreter isn't as easy as the original made it seem. Add in insane time mages and magic keys, and Joey's life soars from weird to unfathomable. AU, O.D.a.M Seq
1. Well, Here We Are!

**Welcome to Canaan**

**Disclaimer:** _IMPORTANT! _Besides the fact that I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, I state here and now that this story is not meant in any way to be sacrilegious, nor is it meant to be an accurate representation of the true Biblical story. I write this purely for entertainment purposes only, and by no means have I intentionally set out to offend anyone by my works. It is asked that you keep an open mind while reading this, and I remind you that you, if you are truly offended, do not rally against this story because there are others who read this as well. Any comments or concerns are to be addressed to me in a review. This shall only be stated once in the story, as one who is truly against reading a story like this is unlikely to get past the first chapter.

**D/N:** Whew! I hope that disclaimer sounds nice and businessy. Anyway, I'm glad you've all managed to find your way here from the first book. (Eriso: You fools. You should've run when you had the chance.) ... ... ... (Eriso: ... I'm just... going to stop talking.) Great idea, 'Riso.

**To all new-comers - There will be a short recap of the previous story for your convenience, but it is suggested that you read the first story before beginning.**

Wow! Two businessy things in a row! I'm on a _roll_ today, baby! So, just to let you know, all those who _have_ gone to Religion classes and stayed awake, I want to address something quickly. ... Okay, let's go a little more casual. I wanna say something real fast: There's no Dinah in this story. I'm well-aware that Leah gave birth to a daughter, but as I'm too lazy to change Dinah's name to Serenity - and anyway, Dinah's _older_ than Joseph if you've kept track of the ages in the Book - I'm just going to X her right out. Besides, she wasn't in the musical anyway. Hardly anyone knows who she is.

ALSO! I just want to know something. If anyone's keeping track of names in Dawn of the Duels, can you let me know if any of the characters' names are different in their past life? I know it's not going to be accurate anyway (It's an AU, people! I said it for a reason!) but I'd like to avoid any sudden screams of, "THAT'S NOT HIS NAME IN ANCIENT EGYPT!" So, let me know.

**Review Response from Chapter 17 of _'Of Dogs and Men'_:**

Lady-Crymsyn: Haha, not _too_ weird I hope! And if it is... well... it's just going to get weirder!

Anaraz: I know I'm right! I'm always right. For shame on you for just noticing. Anyway, I hope this was a fast enough update. ... It probably wasn't, but whatever.

Bluebelle: I was going to tell you the title, buuuut... if you're already here, you don't really need it anymore, now do you? Which saves time and effort on my part! (Eriso: Not really. You wont stop talking.) ... I thought you said _you_ were going to. (Eriso: Yes, yes I did. And so I will.) ... Quite.

Baada: Ahhh! Good! I was wondering if anyone was actually going to get it... Wow, you really like the way I write? Coolness!

R.F.K.a.'...': I have tried hamsters, actually. Only problem is... they're easily distracted. And lazy. I can't get them to do a thing! Yes, copyrights can be a troublesome little thing... But money's pretty persuasive too. I wouldn't mind having this animated, but I doubt anyone would mind having 4Kids do up their fic. At any rate, I don't think it's very likely. Too bad. I'm just _such_ a good writer. ... Maybe if I wrote something original I could get it published, but that's just _so_ much work. And I'm _that_ lazy. And your questions made me realise that... they were good questions, so I've answered them later in the story. ... Sort of.

Yami Koibito: The YGO spark will not die for a long time in me, and I hope it doesn't go _poof_ in you either. Darn! It's so sad! I haven't watched the show for such a long while... and what's up with that GX crap? O.o

Thanks again to everyone who reviewed last story!

**OooOOO On with the show! OOOooO**

Joey realised his head hurt as he pried his eyes open. It was a remarkably simple thought, it wasn't anything that would confound most scientists and it was a conclusion that children could come up with. Nevertheless, it was a very accurate realisation. His head _did_ hurt. Of course, that was to be expected when a blue-haired girl of questionable sanity beats him in the head.

His eyes were open by this time, open, but far too blurry to see at so early a time. Beige was all he saw. Or maybe it was tan... or heck, maybe he was just thinking to hard and it was standard brown. Whatever. It didn't matter. The point was that Tartra must've destroyed the part of his brain that let him see. Well, as long as he was going to sit here semi-blind, he may as well get thinking. So many things had happened over the past little while, some going far too fast and being far too random to think out properly at the moment. Now was as good a time as any to get sorted out.

Right, well, first, to start everything off, there was that bloody 'get to know your partner' project that he'd been forced to do with Kaiba. That was... well, as of yet, to be completed, but one can't be expected to focus on a project when they're being chased by a crazed freak who wants blood for the death of his loved one, right? And then that temple thing and time trip backwards with Tartra and _why'd_ she have to hit so hard and couldn't she have just _warned_ him or something?

Alright, that wasn't really sorting things out in a calm and civilised manner. Mental deep breath, and... begin again!

Project with Kaiba. That was first. Then the trip back home, where he found that brown dog which was then abruptly adopted into his home.

Okay. That was good. That was normal. That was easy to understand.

Kaiba spontaneously changed into rat.

... Alright, getting a little bit more complicated, but still, not the worst he'd been through for the past little while. ... Although it wouldn't hurt to go over it a bit more.

Kaiba had come over Joey's house to work on the project after he'd adopted the dog. He'd left the kitchen for a little while, came back, _boom!_ Kaiba was a rat. Fitting, and now he was able to think about it calmly.

After persuading Kaiba to stay in a pink dollhouse until he - Joey - could figure out what was going on, Yami was called, and Bakura sort of arrived on his doorstep.

Good. Nice and calm. Yami, Bakura and Kaiba, all there.

Heard a nice story from Bakura about how a guy named Razatul fell in love with a chick named Gaelia and how she died. Also heard about how Razatul tried to revive Gaelia, but failed miserably. Then the guy went insane, attacking the High Priest for teaching him a Shadow Magic spell that brought his lovely back to life as a gross, corpsified mummy and attacked the Pharaoh because... he wanted to. Apparently, he was stopped by the Pharaoh and some sort of incident Bakura never really got around to telling him about... He supposed it was that muffin or something.

Think about muffin later. That's getting a bit ahead.

A few more minutes, and _boom!_ There was Razatul, in the flesh, standing in front of them and demanding revenge on the High Priest and Pharaoh... even though technically Razatul had already turned Kaiba into a rat and the Pharaoh... hadn't really done anything to Razatul to be avenged other than stop him from destroying Egypt.

Right. Moving along... Big puffy cloud of colours and they were in some sort of desert that was _apparently_ Razatul's own, personal realm. Sort of like the Shadow Realm only more... deserty...

Big chase scene, Joey wound up sword-fighting with Razatul for a few minutes. Big fight sequence, Razatul kind of... electrocuted himself or something on a wall of light, and woke up with a sudden hallucination of Kaiba being Gaelia, having miraculously been changed back to his old self thanks to Bakura.

Kaiba was quite sick.

Anyway, after a while, Bakura came up with a great plan to get rid of Razatul. He fed the psycho a muffin. Razatul collapsed, everyone was happy for a while and were all set to leave until he suddenly jumped back up again and gave Bakura a nice stab to the gut. Luckily - or unluckily, whichever - Bakura was immortal, so he was still breathing.

After they all began running away, they decided to find a sort of... 'Temple of Fears' hidden somewhere in Razatul's realm. Supposedly, it was supposed to hold the supposed key to the supposed destruction of Razatul, Bakura supposed. In a way, it did. It held a very odd key.

Long story short, they found the temple, and there they met Tartra, who explained to them in a complicated manner that she and her brother had a very strange ability due to the fact that they were both born at the Apocalypse, and, since they committed no fault yet, were granted a sort of wish. The angels gave them the ability to see everything backwards through time, but at the same speed everyone _else_ saw things go forward, like watching a movie backwards. Eventually, they reached the dawn of time, where God gave them two special keys: The Opjant Key, which belonged to Tartra, and the Tampvo Key, which belonged to her brother, Trawmi.

The keys allowed them to cancel out their current time direction and move in the opposite - forwards. The only problem was that Trawmi had lost his key in Ancient Egypt, coincidentally during the Pharaoh's Reign. So, after promising Joey to take care of Razatul in return for the retrieval of the key - since she couldn't do it for one reason or another - Tartra went through some complex movements and shuffling of the Opjant Key to get Joey back to the time where Trawmi had lost his key.

So here he was, staring blurry-eyed up at a brown, tan, sandy, _whatever_ colour roof. Man, he never could remember the names of all those colours and he'd probably never know how women could. Not only that, he was quite certain he was still in that horribly, itchy, ratty robe thing that Tartra slapped on him.

Slowly, feeling began to make its way back into his fingers. Strange. He hadn't even known it wasn't there in the first place, but it explained why he couldn't move and stumble around. Well, at least this way he knew Tartra hadn't paralysed him.

He blinked his eyes several times, before he suddenly realised that the only reason he wasn't able to make out anything but beige or whatever was because the entire _room_ was beige. Or the... well, it wasn't exactly a _room_ as it was a tent. Very well. The entire tent was beige.

Joey stiffly pulled himself up to a sitting position, looking down in disgust at the tattered 'bed' he had been lying on. Oh, God, how many things were in his hair now? Oodles of bugs, right? Lice were probably the least of his worries. Great. He was going to die of some weird, freaky disease and he couldn't even get it cured because this was _Ancient_ Egypt.

Eventually, he looked down at himself. He didn't see to have changed too much - his skin was a shade darker, but other than that he looked generally the same. He supposed, anyway. He didn't exactly pack a mirror with him.

It suddenly occurred to him that not a moment had passed by that the possibility of this all being a dream had opened up as an option to him.

Were things like this _really_ getting so commonplace for him?

"_Joseph!_" An impatient voice snapped in the distance. "Get _up!_"

A sudden wave of annoyance washed over him. Not ten minutes - he was guessing - had passed and _already_ some guy was giving him a hard time. That was lovely. He ignored his urge to snap back, instead checking to see if Tartra had left him anything in his holey pockets.

A small jolt of surprise came over him as his fingers came into contact with two objects, one made of cool metal. He picked out the thin, gold chain Tartra had given him. Right. That was the one with the 'essence of the Opjant Key' and was supposed to bring him into the past later. The other was a round, blue gem - almost a marble.

He was staring into it intently for just a moment before its innards began swirling with a strange smoke.

"_Hey! You're awake already, kiddo?_" Tartra's over-cheery voice said in his head. She seemed to have sensed the sudden alarm that sparked through Joey, because she added, "_Relax, Jojo. It's just lil ol' me._"

Joey stared at the gem, quiet for a moment, before cautiously saying, "... Uh... hi?"

"_Hi!_" Tartra's voice replied, bubbling with pleasure.

"Where are you?" Joey asked, looking around himself.

"_I'm chillin' back in that dingy Temple of Razatul's._" came Tartra's response. "_Man, have you ever seen a sadder place? I mean, it doesn't have to be fixed up all the way, but a few skylights never hurt anyone..._"

"The others with you?" Joey said, feeling slightly foolish for standing in the middle of the tent, talking to a marble. "And... where am I, anyway?"

"_Uhhhhh..._" Tartra said, clearly thinking hard. That was definitely not a good sign. No one wanted to be dropped off somewhere at some random point in time and have the person who dropped them off not remember where they put their passenger. A long while of 'uhhh-ing' passed before Tartra chipper voice cried, "_Canaan! And yeah, the others are here. Gee, that Pharaoh's a nice guy. Yami's his name? Weird. What a weird name. But I'm called Tartra, so I can't-_"

"Canaan?" Joey repeated, interrupting 'master of time'. "I thought you said you were puttin' me in Egypt!"

"_Did I?_" Tartra said. "_Well, you didn't start off right away in Egypt, kid. You were brought over._"

"Brought over?" Joey echoed. "By who?"

"_Your brothers._"

"I got brothers? What about Serenity? Is she here?"

"_Sorry, babe. Ol' Sissy-head's with a different family in _her_ past life. You've got eleven brothers, and - hey! Good news! They all hate you!_"

Joey nearly collapsed. "That's _good_ news?" He cried.

"_Sure is! You wouldn't want eleven brothers who had absolutely nothing in common with each other, now, would you?_" Tartra continued on, smoothly cutting off any of Joey's possible replies. "_Now, if only you were a suicidal maniac... then you'd all love to hate the same thing! Oh well. Eleven out of twelve's not bad_."

"Wait, wait, wait! I got _eleven_ brothers... and they all _hate_ me?" Joey said, stuttering slightly. "Tartra, why'd you bring me here?"

"_Hey, that's how your past self grew up, Jojo._"

A thought suddenly rose past the multiple complaints and comments and bubbled to the top of his head. "Hey, Tartra... If I got a past self, ain't there two of me runnin' around?"

"_Nope._"

"... Then _I'm_ my past self?"

"_Nope_."

"Well, thanks for clearin' _that_ up." Joey snapped. "What'd you do with the other me?"

"_Gagged him, beat him, stuffed him in a closet - what's it matter?_" Tartra said, nonchalantly. "_The point is he won't be bumping into you. You're there and he's... hmm... Where _did_ I put him?_"

"Oh, God..." Joey moaned, shaking his head. The girl was completely insane. "Alright, what am I supposed to do?"

"_Uhmmm... piss off your brothers, if I remember correctly._"

Joey's eyes widened. "Don't you think I'd want to stay on their _good_ side?"

"_Ha, ha, ha! Of course not! You want to get them as annoyed as possible, otherwise you'll never find your way to Egypt!_" Tartra giggled. "_Hmm... have any dreams while you were knocked out?_"

"Dr - _what_? Tartra, what's dreams got to do with anything?"

"_Uh, only _everything" Tartra said. "_Look, did you have any dreams when I knocked you out or not?_"

Joey opened his mouth, but shut it just as quickly. A strange remembrance of... bent corn and bowing stars prodded him. "Yeah. Stars and corn."

"_Ahh! Right on time! Great!_" Tartra squealed, happy, like usual. "_Alright, just pop this little sucker back into that robe of yours - don't worry, I've pulled a quick enchantment so it _can't_ get separated from you - get on out there and greet your pa!_"

"My pa?" Joey repeated, raising an eyebrow at the jewel. "What is this? Little House on the -"

"_Joseph!_" That same, harsh voice growled, closer this time. A opening appeared in one of the walls of the tent, as a tanned, tall, ratty-robed man came storming in, his hair black, long and a mess of tangles. "I thought I told you to get _up_."

Joey stared at him in stunned silence for a moment. Was this one of his brothers? They looked _nothing_ alike. "Uh... You did? I... didn't hear." Oh, God... he wasn't even speaking English any more! This was a new, random language he'd never heard of and couldn't name and now it was just flowing out of his mouth like though it was his mother tongue.

The man stared at him strangely. "You sound different today. Your voice - it's off."

"Ah..." Joey raised a hand to his throat. "Just a little sore today is all."

He narrowed his eyes slightly, before turning to leave. "Come on, Joseph. Father said he had a gift for you."

"Really?" Joey couldn't help asking excitedly. Wow! Alright, so he was snapped at a little, beaten in the head, and forced to sleep on really dirty mattresses and wear really itchy clothes, but now he was getting some gifts. That counted for something. "Cool!"

"What is?" The man said shortly, looking at him sharply.

"I said... oh." Ancient Egypt. He had forgotten again. He was in Ancient Egypt now, he couldn't go around using words like 'cool'. "Yeah, 'oh'. As in... 'Oh, that's great.'"

This time the man gave him a look that was definitely one of suspicion.

"Alright, what're we waitin' for?" Joey said, trying to act natural. He walked briskly past the man. "Let's go get dad and get my present!"

"You're acting far more strangely than usual." The man said, taking the lead. Joey was grateful for that. He had no idea where he was going. "You've never called father... 'dad' before."

"Oh... I haven't?" Joey said. Well, he wasn't blending in very well. And of _course_ he was acting strangely - he didn't know how his other self would have acted. "Well... okay. Uhm... did you want me to call _you_ anything specific?"

"My name."

"... Right..." Joey said, weakly. Then, cautiously, in a voice barely above a whisper, he asked, "... And that was... ?"

The man whirled around. "Have you completely _lost your mind_?" He cried. "I knew you were _stupid_, but not absent minded. You seemed to be able to prattle on about your pathetic, little dreams for hours."

"Ha, dreams, yeah..." Joey said, taking a step forward and hoping it would encourage him to walk as well. "I got a good one for you later."

He received an eye-roll. "Wonderful." With that, he stomped ahead, not looking back. Remembering what Tartra said, Joey realised that without a doubt that he was one of his eleven brothers.

"Eleven..." Joey muttered. "What kinda guy had _eleven_ brothers? What kinda woman wants to give birth to _eleven_ kids?"

It was at that moment that three women walked past, chatting amongst themselves as they carried baskets of clothes.

Joey stared at them in slight shock, as they waved at him.

"Dude... _three_ wives." Joey said, shaking his head slightly. "Okay, they may kinda smell and have crap clothes, but any place that lets you have more than one chick is alright with me."

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** (Eriso: Typical male. Only thinks about one thing... ) He's a teenager. He's full of raging hormones. What do you expect? (Eriso: Purging of the lesser gender.) ... Tomorrow, maybe. Anyway, that was the first chapter of the second book! I hope all - if any - newcomers found the recap somewhat useful. I tried to explain it as simply as possible. Anyway, leave me some comments, and I'll get back to writing the next chapter and revising Of Dogs and Men.


	2. A Family Chat

**Daddy's Boy**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own YGO, plain and simple.

**D/N:** What the crap? I already uploaded this last week! O.o Damn Fanfiction, deleting my stories... AND I missed getting the next chapter of Valentine's Day up for yesterday. Great... Well... whatever. Whoo! Typer Shark is _one annoying game_, I'll tell you that! Anyway, here is your second chapter for your own enjoyment! A short little blurb right now, because I'm tired and my mother just introduced me to the world of 'sugar-free', low-calorie brownies that she made for herself and her co-workers. What a bleak and dreary place that must be. I couldn't eat _one_, and I _love_ candy. Really, it's amazing I'm so thin. (Eriso: The way you eat, it's going to catch up with you and smack you _hard_.) Yeah, probably, but like I say, "I ain't fat yet!"

**_PEOPLE! Let me know the names of the characters in Dawn of the Duels! O.o All I have is Pharaoh Yami! That's it!_**

**Reviews, Reviews, I Love Reviews, Just Not Sugar-Free Brownies:**

Anaraz: Ahahaha! You wanna hit him? Go ahead! I'll even supply you with the bull's-eye! **/Hands over a fancy bull's-eye/** This should be good!

Alex: Oh, _wow_, child! I don't even know where to _begin_, I'm that flattered. I just hope you know that because of you my parents and brother hate me because I won't shut up about your review or stop dragging them down to the computer, pointing and screaming, "Hahahaha! See? I'm loved! I'm loved!" I've been giggling about it all week, so now my friends think I'm a freak too... U.U Don't worry about not reviewing my other stories - (Eriso: You were doing so _well!_ What happened?) ... ... (Eriso: Right. I'm not in this.) Like I was saying, don't worry about it because this _totally_ makes up for it! I adore long reviews, and especially ones that give me nice, warm fuzzies in my heart. Everyone _else_ hates the side effects that are inevitably spawned, but their opinions don't really match mine, so it's all good. I'm so happy that you were actually able to come up with some great things to compliment me with - God, could I come out sounding anymore narcissistic? - because I _really_ love reading them! **/insert overly-excited squeal here./** Really, I could go on all day agreeing with you about how fabulous I am - Wonderful. Isn't one of the seven deadly sins 'vanity'? - and profusely thanking you for recognising my greatness - Right. Straight to Hell, though I'm pretty sure I've already got a one-way ticket there for writing this thing... - but Typer Shark has messed up my typing abilities. Wow, I _hate_ those little piranhas. I can type out the words fast, but I can't seem to get the single letters... _Anyway_, I probably shouldn't keep prattling on, but you've _definitely_ got my _extreme_ note of gratitude for your kind words, and I can only hope that I've met your standards with this chapter and every chapter yet to come. Gravyness... I've begun giggling again... Joey's my favourite too - in case you haven't guessed - and don't worry about dear Kaiba! He'll be getting a pretty important role later on. Not yet, of course, because we're not at that point yet, but later for sure. Soooo... It's Priest _Seth_, is it? Great to know! Let me know what other names I'll need to know later on - like... _all_ of them. O.o - because I'm pretty sure I'm going to be getting a long list of people saying, "YOU'RE CALLING THEM THE WRONG NAME, GENIUS!" So, I'll let your eyes stop bleeding from having to read this idiot reply, and I'll apologise for not being able to separate it into paragraphs. I don't do that with responses because... because. Yes. Anyway, enjoy the chapter, and thanks a bunch!

R.F.K.a.'...': Bwuahaha, yes, I've been thinking about this story for a long time, but I've never actually been able to figure out how to write it with an actual plot or an explanation of how on Earth Joey got into the past or whatever, so having it as a sequel to O.D.a.M really helped out! Gerbils... hmmm... I _could_ use gerbils... hmmmmmmmmm... But wait! Then you'll know what's coming! No, no, no, I will use... dark... shadowy... things to stalk you for the time being, and then my latest minion recruits shall _attack!_ Ahahahahahahha! ... Yeah, I should write a book. O.o And start updating. God, when's the last time I updated Valentine's Day? _Months_ ago! That's not good...

Jenn120: Ahh, a newcomer! Thanks, and enjoy the chapter!

**OooOOOooO**

The sun's reflection stabbed at Joey's eyes as he looked out at the sandy horizon. Not surprisingly, it bore a remarkable resemblance to Razatul's realm. The yellow-gold sand, the various hills, the... sand. Yes, those two worlds sure had a lot of sand. ... And apparently ancient, smelly, Egyptian guys who hated him, that was a shared trait too. No, one just couldn't forget about the obscene amounts of hate that just happened to be continually directed to him...

Not long into the lengthy walk around the ridiculous number of tents in the middle of the desert, Joey and 'his' brother happened upon a group of men just as scruffy, smelly and badly dressed as the first.

It wasn't a pleasant realisation that the only one who wasn't glaring viciously at him was the oldest and most frail in the bunch.

The wrinkled old man flashed him a crinkled, yellow-toothed smile as he came closer, his hands behind his back and clutching, Joey guessed, his gift. Oh well. He'd deal with the putrid stench these guys gave off as long as he got something good out of it.

"Joseph, my dear son," The old man rasped, as the two finally stood in front of him. "I am glad to see that Levi brought you here quickly." He gave an appreciative nod to the man who had slinked off into the group of other smelly men as soon as he got had reached them. The look in his - the newly introduced Levi's - eyes suggested that he would have liked a slightly longer praise.

Instead, the old man turned back to Joey, his crinkled, grey and black, striped robes seeming to be the only thing keeping the guy standing up. "Joseph, I have made for you a new coat of pure, incomparable beauty. For days I worked, stringing together cloths of immaculate elegance, and now I give it to you with the hopes that you would wear it like the light of my life that you are."

'Well, no _wonder_ these guys hate me...' Joey thought to himself while anxiously glancing out the less-than-pleasant looks that the rest of his brothers were giving him. Aloud he said, "Oh. Okay, great. Thanks."

His father smiled again, bringing the coat of 'immaculate elegance' from behind his back. "To you, my son. A coat of the kings, one even the Pharaoh would praise."

"He would stop and _stare_..."(1) One of the brother muttered, in awe-inspired annoyance.

Joey looked down at the coat, and the coat looked back at him with brilliant colours of red, yellow, green, brown, scarlet, black, something that sounded like 'poker', peach, ruby, olive, lilac and... well, various others he was too lazy to identify and that I was too lazy to type. (2) Moments passed as Joey studied the clothing, feeling it move against its fingers and generally to distract himself from the waves of hate that couldn't have been more obvious if they strapped signs and rude gestures to the waves... or something. (3)

The seams of the coat were invisible, having been crafted with such a grace that made the colours blend into one another in a way reserved for the light spectrum. It shined in the sunlight, the more expensive colours shimmering, and the long, perfectly hemmed sleeves had such a simple yet stunning design that left the mind wondering how such a delicate piece of artwork was ever crafted by mortal hands.

At least, that was how it looked to the people of yesteryear.

To Joey, it looked kind of... tacky.

"Uh... wow, thanks. You shouldn't've done it... father." Joey said, weakly. He wasn't _actually_ expected to walk around in _this_, was he? His clothes sucked enough, and had enough fleas in them without having to bring more inevitably hiding in _this_ junk.

The old man beamed, before grabbing Joey in a hug that nearly crushed the life out of him. "Oh, I had to, my son! Your mother, before she died, was my favourite wife of all. You remind me of her, Joseph. You are a child of my old age, and I am more than happy to give you this."

"Wow," Joey said again, wheezing as breath escaped him. "That's _great_." His mind was start to slow and the world grew a bit darker, but somehow the thought, 'Dude had _four_ wives!' managed to make its presence known.

Finally, his father released him, stepping back excitedly. "Well, Joseph, try it on! Let's see how it fits!"

"Yes, Joseph," the largest of the Smelly Man Brigade said, his voice edged with a dangerous amount of ice. "Let's see how you look in your new coat."

"Ah..." Joey replied, his hands tightening around the robes, "I'd... kinda... rather not try it on right now..."

"Nonsense," Another said, as he and another rushed forward, yanking the robe out of his hands and forcing him into it. It was a wonder it didn't tear. "There. Don't _you_ look stunning."

"You look like a gift from Heaven," The old man said, his eyes welled up with tears.

Joey couldn't help but let loose a smug grin. "A gift from Heaven, huh? Well, I always knew I was _gorgeous_, but it's nice to hear other people say..." He trailed off, his eyes accidentally slipping from his father and landing on his brothers. "Uh... thanks. I... appreciate it."

The old man smiled again, and nearly a half hour of praising every aspect of the blond and commenting on how much he looked like his mother later, finally took leave.

His brothers did not follow him.

"So, Joseph," One told him, walking up to Joey's side and picking up a clump of the fabric. "You have a new coat now, do you?"

"... Uh... yeah," Joey said slowly, leaning away as inconspicuously as possible. "Yeah, I guess I do. But I'm sure yours is... on its way. I mean," He laughed a bit. "The guy didn't just make one for _me_. You're his sons too!"

"Really." A brother replied flatly. "It seems like he only has _one_ son nowadays."

"Oh - come on," Joey told them, adding in a nervous laugh that died quickly. "When someone's got _twelve_ kids, they don't forget 'em. He's... probably just makin' yours now. He only wanted to make mine first because... uh... because-"

"Because _you're_ the favourite." The largest griped.

It was around this point in time that Joey realised he was a bit surrounded.

"Yeah, well, that's great, glad you all know it too, I'm just gonna... uh... go back to my - tent." Joey said, quickly pushing through the wall before nearly running back in the direction he came from.

And to top it all off, Joey made an astounding discovery. There _were_ fleas in this colour-explosion-gone-wrong.

**OooOOOooO**

Finding his way back to the tent he woke up in was harder than he thought, mostly due to the fact that they all looked exactly the same. He managed it in the end, however. His was the largest.

"It's like that old geezer _wants_ me to die." Joey muttered, walking in. He considered flopping down on the 'bed' again, but one look made him prefer standing.

He let out a long sigh, looking around the tent's inside. It was quite empty, save for the small rug on the ground, makeshift table and chair, and, of course, the bed. It wasn't exactly the most cosy place on Earth, but he'd lived through worse. After a long period of studying the chair intently, Joey finally deemed it safe enough to sit on and take out the jewel Tartra had given him.

Staring into it again, he was slightly encouraged by the swirling smoke-stuff that appeared again, followed by the overly happy, overly airy voice of the time mage herself.

"_Hey, hey, it's the coat-wearing Joey!_" Tartra greeted him. He imagined her bubbling with energy, her blue ponytail shaking with excitement and joy. "_Glad to hear from ya so soon, kid! So, how'd it go?_"

"The coat thing?" Joey grumbled. "You knew about that, huh?"

"_Uhm... what part of 'I've already seen the world take place' doesn't click in, child? I've seen your past self get the coat already._ _Anyway, that wasn't what I was talking about. How'd your brothers take it?_"

Joey let out a low groan, letting his head fall to the table with a loud _plunk_. "You mean after they were glarin' at me and wishin' I was dead while I was gettin' the stupid, horrible, hideous coat from my 'dear, old dad', or after they surrounded me and started broadcastin' how much they hated me?"

"_Neither! I meant how your brothers took the whole _dream_ thing._" She paused for a moment. "_You... _told_ them about the dream... right?_"

"Yeah, I was gonna tell a bunch o' big, angry guys that there was this super-cool dream I had when you knocked me out about corn and stars." Joey said, rolling his eyes. "I don't want them to start plottin' to kill me."

"_You _idiot_! Of course you do! That's the whole point of telling them the dream! So they finally snap and drag you away to die!_" Tartra shrieked, somehow still clinging onto a joyous demeanour through her sudden horror. "_You've got to go back out there, tell them and get those hairy siblings of yours to kill you!_"

"I wanna do _what_? Tartra, you're not serious, are you?" Joey got out, separating his words with little gasps of shock. When the girl was silent, Joey said, "Why, _exactly_, do I wanna die?"

"_Silly, you don't _die._ They don't _actually_ kill you. They just sell you off to slavery._"

"Oh, well - _slavery_. Why didn't you say so?" Joey replied, his grip on the blue gem tightening. "Shall I bind myself now or will they take care of it for me?"

"_They've got ropes, so no sweat._" Tartra chirped back.

"I was bein' sarcastic!"

"_Were you? Well, nevermind. That's beside the point._" Tartra said. "_The _point_ is that you need to go and tell your brothers about that dream. It's the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's the grain of sand that tips the scale. It's the drop that fills the glass. It's the-_"

"Okay, okay!" Joey cried, before sighing and staring at the gem in frustration. "You promise that if I go and tell these guys about that stupid little dream I had, and after they come and kill me, that I'm not gonna die?"

"_Mmm... sure! I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die! ... Oops! I guess that wasn't sending out the right message, was it?_"

"Tartra..."

"_Alright, fine, seriously._" She paused to clear her throat, giving Joey the idea that she was trying to be businessy. She spoke again, slower, and putting more emphasis on each word. "_I, Tartra, guarantee that you, Joseph Wheeler, will _not_ die when your brothers come to kill you, and will instead be shipped off to slavery in Egypt._" She finished, giggling hysterically. "_Wow, that was so _serious_! I sounded just like Trawmi there! Anyway, you're satisfied then?_"

"Not really..." Joey muttered.

"_Well, that beats a 'no'. Alright then, budderino!_ _Get that cattle drive a'movin'!_" And with that, the smoke cleared from the inside of the gem, and she was gone.

The blond continued to stare at the gem, as if expecting her to sudden come back and say that she figured out a different route to Egypt. She didn't, naturally, so Joey let out a disgruntled... grunt, stood up, and walked out of the tent.

"I couldn't just _walk_ to Egypt?"

**OooOOOooO**

"Hey... guys..." Joey said, quite stupidly. Once more he was in front of the Band of Brothers sitting together on long benches. Almost at once he began awkwardly sizing them up and wondering if now was a good time to suddenly realise that listening to a possibly deranged blue-haired, overall clad, random attacking girl wasn't exactly the smartest thing in the world.

Eleven sets of piercing, far-from-happy eyes locked onto him, the annoyance tearing their attention away from their food not helping matters.

"You?" One said, harshly. "What do _you_ want?"

"Ah... I... just thought... we could... y'know... talk." Joey replied. 'Probably shoulda left the coat behind.'

The man snorted, before turning to one of his left. "Asher, tell me I am not _dreaming_. Did he just ask to _talk_ with _us_?"

"Shall I pinch you, Naphtali?" Asher said, reaching an arm out.

"I do not think that will do it." Naphtali shook his head, his black bread speckled with flecks of food. "This is just too much for me to handle. Our dear dreamer has decided to speak with us humble folk." The other laughed loudly as he began pretending to swoon.

"Ha, ha, ha... yeah..." Joey said, cautiously taking a step forward. Right, it was time to do this thing. His past self must've done this lots of times, otherwise they wouldn't have been calling him 'dreamer' and such. Alright... so... just tell them. What was the worst they could do, anyway? Tartra said they weren't going to _kill_ him. Of course, 'vicious mauling' didn't exactly fall under the category of 'killing', did it? "So... uh... Hey, I had a really weird dream last night."

The replying chorus of frustrated groans wasn't too encouraging.

"Alright, fine." The largest said, staring at him intently. "Tell us. Just what did you dream about this time?

He needed much more than just a deep breath, but seeing as how it was all Joey had right now... "Okay, well... it was kind of weird, y'know?"

"You told us that already." A small one said, annoyance written all over his face.

"Now, now, Benjamin," The largest said, continuing to watch Joey with an amused face. "Let him speak his piece."

"Right... well... Okay, it started off with us bein' in this field of corn. We were... choppin' it down and then we started tyin' it up, but then the sheaves that _I_ was tyin' up just stood straight up in the air, and yours just came and kinda surrounded mine and bowed."

Murmurs of rising fury and increased annoyance greeted him as he finished, but no one stopped him immediately, so he went on.

"And then... there were like... eleven stars, the sun and the moon, and they all just started bowin' down to me-"

"Eleven!" One cried, jumping up out of his seat. "Eleven! What a strange coincidence that that is just the number of stars to represent _us_. Do you think yourself a king? A gift from God sent to rule over us?"

"Wha - no! No, no, no, it was just a dream!" Joey said, in a panicked voice. Forget Tartra and her 'they won't kill you' speech! Right now was the time to try and defuse the situation. This was going to be tricky. He wasn't used to _stopping_ fights. "It was only a dream. It's not like it'll come true anyway! I just... I just thought you guys might wanna know, is all."

"You thought we would like to know that you dream of being higher than us?" Levi snapped, getting to his feet as well, the rest following suit. "Only a dream indeed! You will never become anything greater than what you are now - the favourite of our father, and even _that_ may be short-lived!"

"Sit, Levi." The largest said in a firm voice.

"Sit? Reuben, he seeks to rule over-"

"There will be no threats to our brother while we are under our father's eyes." Reuben said, gesturing for him to sit once more.

Levi stared at him in shock and fury, but finally sat, muttering something that sounded to Joey like, "Then we'll wait until we are _away_ from our father's eyes."

Reuben turned back to Joey, his voice grim and his hands clenched. "And you, Joseph, would be wise to keep your mouth free of any words like the ones you have spoken. Any dreams you have are just that - dreams. Keep them to yourself if you wish to go about freely."

"Sure..." Joey mumbled, his legs weakening. This was bad. They were going to kill him after all, weren't they? After muttering a quick apology, Joey slipped out of the tent opening once more, but not before catching the words of one of his 'brothers'.

"I tell you all, I have grown weary of his dreams. We should rid ourselves of them now."

Joey shook his head before wandering back to his tent, the darkness of the night blanketing him and the moon laughing. The stars definitely weren't bowing _now_.

Walking was definately still an open option.

**OooOOOooO**

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

(1) - 'Cause you knew it was coming. (For those who've seen the musical.)

(2) - Another titbit for those who've seen the musical. In case you haven't, the singing people have this huge song about all the colours on Joseph's coat, and the chorus sings for like _ten_ hours, 'It was red, yellow, green, brown, scarlet, black, poker (I think), peach, ruby, olive, lilac, gold, chocolate, azure, lilac, foal... I think they said green twice, I'm too lazy to remember, and silver and crimson and gold, I think they said twice, azure they said twice too, and lemon and something and something and purple and white and pink and orange and _blue_.' Yes... Well, now you know.

(3) - The train of thought is lost.

**D/N:** Another chapter done, another chapter up! Man, I have to start updating my other stories... I haven't touched Valentine's Day in _forever_, and it's only two days away! O.o I'll have to do something about that, and _fast_.


End file.
